just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize