Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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