I could make wine with my vomit
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
