five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
