Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
