Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
