I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
