i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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