I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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