Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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