i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
