when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
