If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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