She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize