Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
