my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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