yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize