normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
