He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I'm passing your future prison.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
