Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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