you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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