I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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