somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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