I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I could fuck to npr.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
