Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
