My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
