Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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