How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
