im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
