it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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