Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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