All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
