My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
