If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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