I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
