I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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