new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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