if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
