Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
