I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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