Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
