Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
