Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
