Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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