forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
