I feel like abortions should bother me more
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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