Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
