Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
