i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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