oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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