: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
