so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
