Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
