The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I will pee on everything he values.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
