i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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