I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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