i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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