oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
