There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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