He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
