i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
