Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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