Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
